I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Randomize
