Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Randomize
