remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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