im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
