I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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