you guys were way drunker than both of me
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
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