At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
