I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
