the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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