All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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