"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
