really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
