i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
