You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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