i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
