On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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