Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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