Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
it glows. i had to have it.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
