Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
he laminated a picture of his dick.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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