I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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