It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
