i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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