my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
