Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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