I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
