Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
