That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
