i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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