Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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