Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
