I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
