it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
