You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
