I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize