If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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