you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize