its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He passed out mid-signature
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
