There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
