At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
