Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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