does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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