today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize