I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
