Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
