im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
