Your face is a jimmy john
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
