all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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