she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
