So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
