three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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