I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
