Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
