i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
