Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize