he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
