so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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