You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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