your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
