I wish I could teleport
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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