After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
