there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
