Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
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