And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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