I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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